It's a funny title, considering that at this moment, I don't have it yet. But the thing is, even though I don't have it now, I know it will return. I'll be calm again, normal again. My stomach won't hurt and my heart will stop screaming. It's also extremely strange to be sitting here in the middle of the mall's food court (the only place I've found free Internet access to date) while everyone is eating and I'm listening to my heart.
It really is screaming. One of those high pitched, hysterical sounds that they make in the movies right before the hero slaps the heroine to calm her (though honestly, I don't think someone slapping me would calm me).
I spoke to Elie. Those not hurt in the attack are back on base. Thirteen are still in hospital; two having operations scheduled for some time today. Elie sounds fine. He still isn't sure who was hurt. They came back late in the night and he's going back on the checkpoint in a few hours.
There's nothing new. Nothing I can say. As the police and army investigate, the infomration is slowly given to the press. Some Arab spokesmen are claiming, yet again, that it was a traffic accident. They said this twice already when bulldozers deliberately rammed into cars and buses and people again and again and apparently the fact that this terrorist deliberately turned his car into this long line of soldiers tells them that it was an accident. If you are missing the logic in this conclusion, don't be concerned. There is none.
According to police investigations so far, the terrorist was 19-years-old. This is a very difficult age and apparently, the 19-year-old terrorist "who attacked a crowd of pedestrians in Jerusalem Monday night was suffering from unrequited love. Kassem Mugrabi apparently wanted to marry his cousin, according to Jerusalem police spokesman Shmuel Ben Ruby, but when the would-be lover's advances were spurned he decided to turn pour his anger out on the Jewish Israelis instead. " (Israel National News).
Unrequitted love? It never ceases to amaze me the lengths to which someone will go to justify selfish and violent actions. Today, soon, I'll head over to the water and go float for a while. Maybe it will help me understand. On second thought, I don't think that will happen. I can understand a spurned 19-year-old being really upset. I can understand him smashing his fist into the wall, cursing, yelling and crying. But that's about the point where my ability to understand ends.
So maybe, instead of trying to understand, I'll go back to searching for my balance. It has to be here somewhere.