Sunday, May 31, 2015

Quick Note...

To those who have expressed concerns or said I sound depressed. I promise, I'm not. I have to make a decision about something. My heart says one thing; my brain sort of says another. What will it cost my heart to listen to my brain? What will my brain think if I go with my heart.

For the past 30 hours or so, I've been imagining both scenarios, agonizing and getting mixed suggestions and advice. There is no wrong answer and, in a way, no right one. This is not an uncharted path...except for me.

I'm sorry for being vague. I'll come out with it all once I decide what to do. For now, I am thinking. I'm not depressed...I'm honored to have been presented with this dilemma and I'd really like it if God could please take a moment from running billions of lives and infinite numbers of creations and possibly planets and universes and tell me what He was thinking.

Short of that, I have to understand why this challenge was placed before me and what God expects of me...which, as I said, would be infinitely easier if God could sort of spell it out. "Paula, thou shalt do x"...that could really work.

But I'm not depressed. It isn't health-related. The new baby is wonderful; my two "older" grandchildren are beyond words. The weather in Israel is delightful; my kids are amazing...well, mostly.

My husband is a man...yeah, the women understand that one and the men probably don't. I've asked a rabbi I respect very much and the wife of another rabbi (oh, she'd hate it if I referred to her that way)...okay, so let me rephrase there's another rabbi who I also respect a ton who I haven't asked and a dear, dear friend who is married to him - and I asked her. I asked my mother. I haven't asked my husband. I've told most of my children - they are all asking me what I've decided...and I haven't.

So...I'll get there...hopefully soon. For now...I'm really hoping for divine intervention...short of which, I'll figure something out...soon.

1 comment:

ProphetJoe said...

Being a man... I didn't really follow what you wrote! But I wish you well!

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