Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Warning for Israelis and those coming to the Peres funeral

Shimon Peres will be laid to rest on Friday. World leaders are expected to fly to Israel to attend. Already, President Obama (God help us), both Clintons (God help us), and the Pope (oh my God) are planning to attend.

For those hoping for a nice, quiet, modest and personal Shimon Peres was our president but he was, when all is said and done, a citizen of the world and so apparently the world feels the need to come and fill our roads and our skies as a tribute. I offer these words to Israelis and others:

To Others outside of Israel: 

Really - it's fine. Send flowers. Donate to his favorite charity (I think it was a wonderful organization called Regavim - click the English button if you don't understand Hebrew). Israelis thank you for your kind thoughts and words at this difficult time and ask that in his honor, you don't vote for Hillary Clinton.

Announcement to all Israelis:
Israelis living south of Karmiel and north of Beersheva are asked to evacuate on Friday.

There will be no room for ANYONE for approximately ONE hour before the funeral until THREE HOURS AFTER. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt to travel on Routes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, or 8.

Forget trains, buses, automobiles. Do not fly. OMG, do not fly!

We suggest you consider spending Shabbat and perhaps Rosh Hashana in either Lebanon, Jordan, or at best, Eilat or Kiryat Shemona.

Special tent cities will be built just south of Beersheva to accomodate all refugees. Note that with both Clintons coming, and Obama, and the Pope...there is a serious threat to the air quality.

You are urged to run for your lives. Should you choose to stay in your current city, you are urged to lock your doors and windows. If a diplomat attempts to enter, you should phone the police immediately.

Do not, under ANY circumstances, attempt to feed one.

Note: this is called satire. I don't do it often...okay, maybe I do, but the point is, this is satire and no it does not represent my feelings or those of most Israelis...well, except for the part about not voting for Clinton.


Rivkah Lambert Adler said...

Regavim. That's funny!

Anonymous said...

Your satire is horrible. Have some dignity you are talking about the funeral of a statesman.

Chana said...

I liked the regavim like, too

Anonymous said...

What a ridiculously pathetic disrespectful post

Zéisseng zu Lëltz said...

Coool, the truth said with humor...

Ze'ev said...

1) It's only horrible if you perceive it that way. 2) Enough of them "statesman" bullshit. Whatever good he did a long time ago, that man is responsible for more Jewish deaths than any terrorist whom we dare call by that name. His "statesmanship" consisted of serving Israel to the world on a silver platter in order to glorify his name, and only death could stop his horrible trajectory.

Until you and then rest of Am Israel understand how much of an enemy people like him are to true peace and the survival of them Jewish nation, we shall never know peace.

Ze'ev said...

There only pathetic thing about it is that more people don't understand why this man is so hated. And why his legacy should never harm our nation again.

CDG, Yerushalayim, E"Y Shlemah said...

Anonymous who objects to this article: We had to put up with him all these we have the right to our feelings and how we express them. You should have enough courage to give yourself a nickname at the very least!

Paula, spot on! I also love Regavim.

Ctmom4 said...

"Note that with both Clintons coming, and Obama, and the Pope...there is a serious threat to the air quality."

I laughed out loud at this. I know you weren't referring to the airplane exhaust :)

Anonymous said...

Your blog articles are usually top-notch. Not this one!

with faith and trust said...

Interesting that the harshest criticism comes from posters who are unwilling to reveal their identity and post anonymously.

A Soldier's Mother said...

with faith and trust (hey there!) - yeah, I know...right?

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