Once, a few years ago, I was standing in Rome Airport when I noticed a few men gathering together. They were Jews looking for the 10th man to make a minyan - a quorum required for certain prayers.
Once, almost a decade ago, I was driving with a few friends and as the afternoon slipped into evening, I asked one of the men if he wanted me to stop the car so he could pray the afternoon services.
"Not yet," he told me. It was getting later and later and I asked a few more times. Each time, he smiled and said, "not yet."
Finally, as we were driving we saw a bus pulled to the side of the road and my friend instructed me to pull over. There, along with at least 9 others, they joined together to be a "community" - a minyan to say the afternoon prayers as the day slipped into night.
In synagogues all over the world, they wait - always for the 10th man. It is a special honor to be that tenth and Jewish men the world over consider it an almost unbreakable promise that they will be the 10th man, if someone approaches them and ask.
Women aren't obligated to pray in a quorum and while some women are offended by this, I am greatly relieved not to have to take on this additional obligation. When I can, I participate, as I did this Shabbat in Bangalore and when I am too busy - with whatever fills my time, I am grateful to believe in and worship a God that created women as He did. So no, women are not counted in a minyan because they are not obligated to be a part of it.
In India, where there are very few religious/observant Jews...and those that are here are spread far and wide, there are very few places, if anywhere, where you can count on there being a minyan. The last time I was here two years ago, not once did I see more than a handful of Jews.Here in India, the Bangalore Rabbi told us a few days ago that we would have a minyan both Friday night and Saturday morning. We were very excited - but perhaps most of all, I was happy for Rabbi Rivkin. Every day of the week, any day of the week, my husband and sons can find a minyan almost around the clock. I wanted this gathering more for him because I know that this is not the norm.
He was especially excited by the possibility of having this gathering - it would be the third week in a row! We got there Friday night and waited. Soon, many Israeli backpackers, young men and women, would come but sadly, they came to eat and not to offer this small gift of their presence. We got to eight, but eight is not ten. The men prayed and only after did the young Israelis show up.
The Rabbi of Bangalore and his wife, offered up an amazing meal. For people far from home who have been subsisting on canned food and instant noodles, the variety, the taste, the welcome was overwhelming. I was saddened to see how the Israeli backpackers behaved. The mother in me wanted to yell at them - I wanted to call their parents and complain. They came, they ate, they left. They sat and waited to be served; they ignored four young Jewish children who would have enjoyed their attention. They were there to take and thought nothing of giving something in return.
For the most part, they have just given three years of their lives to serve the State of Israel and this is their change to be free. I get that. I really do. But just as they are foreigners in a distant land, so too is this wonderful family. I brought them a bottle of wine, a container of hot chocolate powder and a bag of cereal. I wish I could have brought them more; but something. Or, if you can't bring something, you can do something that might be even more important. If you are visiting a Chabad house, join in the singing, join in the prayers.
One young man seemed older, more mature than the others. He stayed longer, helped clean up, played with the children. The rest simply ate and left. They didn't think to offer much more than a few words of gratitude, some didn't even offer that. I'm pretty sure at least one covertly plugged their phones into the electricity, something that is forbidden according to Jewish law. Out of respect for the Chabad house, they could have and should have honored this tradition while helping themselves to as much food as they could eat.
Why should they? One might ask. Perhaps some of them were religious before heading out to India and finding freedom there. But whether they were religious or not, if you enter someone's home, you should be respectful. Two of the Israelis were; another 10 or so were not, and this saddened me.
All had told him in advance that they would be coming; not one offered to pay for the food, never mind the hours of preparation that went into the many salads, the warm soup, the homemade main courses and dessert.
We asked the Israelis where they were from - Ashdod, the Gilboa area, Hadera, Jerusalem, Tel Aviv. From the north, from further south. From the main cities, from small villages. This is what it is like - Jews traveling to distant shores to come together for a meal. This is the essence of Chabad.
I told the Rabbi that if these backpackers are going to use the Chabad simply as watchdogs for their bags, he should charge them a nominal fee - even give the money to charity. It is the principle of the thing. Everywhere they go, they pay for lodgings, food, transportation. What right do they have to come and take from this family for free; to treat them as servants who are just waiting to serve them.
And therein lies the issue. Chabad will not take. They believe themselves to be exactly what I felt they shouldn't be. They are there to serve Jews - all Jews...business people who find themselves in some isolated place; Israeli backpackers who need a cheap meal and a place to drop their things. Chabad is all things to these kids. And when it really gets to the Rabbi, and an Israeli asks if he can do something in return, Rav Rivkin simply answers, "go home."
We had a wonderful time, as we moved down the table to close in the circle after the backpackers had left. The Rabbi barely ate because he was so busy trying to share with them something before they left. He welcomed them graciously; he bid them farewell just as warmly. I was embarrassed for them; I wanted to apologize for them. Truthfully, I wanted to scold them. Instead, I watched the Rabbi sit down and finally eat something, finally relax.
There had been no minyan for Friday night. A disappointment, but the Rabbi is a man of deep faith and he assured us that the next day there would be a minyan.
On Shabbat morning, we arrived a bit early to find that there were four men...then six men. Other Israeli backpackers, not the same ones, had come and gone, leaving behind them a mountain of backpacks for safekeeping while they went out and explored. They never thought to ask the Rabbi if HE needed anything; never thought that the one gift they could give cost nothing - merely their presence for about 90 minutes so that this amazing man could read the Torah, pray with a minyan. Two more men showed up; visiting businessmen from Houston.
We were eight men. It was getting late. No minyan. As the time arrived to read from the Torah, the Rabbi walked outside and looked around. In Israel, it is nothing to go outside and tell the first person who passes that he is needed to complete a minyan. Secular or religious, most Jews would join to be the 10th.
He found two Israeli women who had planned to come for lunch. They were traveling with a German woman and an Austrian man and thought nothing of imposing on the Rabbis hospitality - for their non-Jewish friends as well. They would be back, they said after leaving all their stuff, but first they wanted to go shopping and take showers. One Israeli man came, but left we were nine. No minyan. One of the visitors - a man from Seattle visiting on business read from the Torah; another, a friend from Israel, chanted the Haftorah. We prayed aloud what we could but all the communal prayers were eliminated.
I was so sad and disappointed. We sat and had a very nice lunch...and then in walked the 10th. A young man from Tel Aviv who will be going home in a few weeks. We had missed the morning prayers, but the Rabbi jumped up and we began the afternoon prayers. The Torah was opened and the quorum was celebrated as we finally were able to add additional prayers that can only be said when ten men join together to form a minyan.
After we'd finished, the young man from Tel Aviv was given a huge plate of food; another Israeli joined in as well. We felt like a miracle had happened; a minyan...10 Jewish men and 3 Jewish women and 4 Jewish children came together. It is what we do, even in the remotest of places.
It was then that one of the Israelis thanked the rabbi and asked him if he could so something for him. "Go home." In two weeks, he told the rabbi.
Two weeks...
Once, almost a decade ago, I was driving with a few friends and as the afternoon slipped into evening, I asked one of the men if he wanted me to stop the car so he could pray the afternoon services.
"Not yet," he told me. It was getting later and later and I asked a few more times. Each time, he smiled and said, "not yet."
Finally, as we were driving we saw a bus pulled to the side of the road and my friend instructed me to pull over. There, along with at least 9 others, they joined together to be a "community" - a minyan to say the afternoon prayers as the day slipped into night.
In synagogues all over the world, they wait - always for the 10th man. It is a special honor to be that tenth and Jewish men the world over consider it an almost unbreakable promise that they will be the 10th man, if someone approaches them and ask.
Women aren't obligated to pray in a quorum and while some women are offended by this, I am greatly relieved not to have to take on this additional obligation. When I can, I participate, as I did this Shabbat in Bangalore and when I am too busy - with whatever fills my time, I am grateful to believe in and worship a God that created women as He did. So no, women are not counted in a minyan because they are not obligated to be a part of it.
In India, where there are very few religious/observant Jews...and those that are here are spread far and wide, there are very few places, if anywhere, where you can count on there being a minyan. The last time I was here two years ago, not once did I see more than a handful of Jews.Here in India, the Bangalore Rabbi told us a few days ago that we would have a minyan both Friday night and Saturday morning. We were very excited - but perhaps most of all, I was happy for Rabbi Rivkin. Every day of the week, any day of the week, my husband and sons can find a minyan almost around the clock. I wanted this gathering more for him because I know that this is not the norm.
He was especially excited by the possibility of having this gathering - it would be the third week in a row! We got there Friday night and waited. Soon, many Israeli backpackers, young men and women, would come but sadly, they came to eat and not to offer this small gift of their presence. We got to eight, but eight is not ten. The men prayed and only after did the young Israelis show up.
The Rabbi of Bangalore and his wife, offered up an amazing meal. For people far from home who have been subsisting on canned food and instant noodles, the variety, the taste, the welcome was overwhelming. I was saddened to see how the Israeli backpackers behaved. The mother in me wanted to yell at them - I wanted to call their parents and complain. They came, they ate, they left. They sat and waited to be served; they ignored four young Jewish children who would have enjoyed their attention. They were there to take and thought nothing of giving something in return.
For the most part, they have just given three years of their lives to serve the State of Israel and this is their change to be free. I get that. I really do. But just as they are foreigners in a distant land, so too is this wonderful family. I brought them a bottle of wine, a container of hot chocolate powder and a bag of cereal. I wish I could have brought them more; but something. Or, if you can't bring something, you can do something that might be even more important. If you are visiting a Chabad house, join in the singing, join in the prayers.
One young man seemed older, more mature than the others. He stayed longer, helped clean up, played with the children. The rest simply ate and left. They didn't think to offer much more than a few words of gratitude, some didn't even offer that. I'm pretty sure at least one covertly plugged their phones into the electricity, something that is forbidden according to Jewish law. Out of respect for the Chabad house, they could have and should have honored this tradition while helping themselves to as much food as they could eat.
Why should they? One might ask. Perhaps some of them were religious before heading out to India and finding freedom there. But whether they were religious or not, if you enter someone's home, you should be respectful. Two of the Israelis were; another 10 or so were not, and this saddened me.
All had told him in advance that they would be coming; not one offered to pay for the food, never mind the hours of preparation that went into the many salads, the warm soup, the homemade main courses and dessert.
We asked the Israelis where they were from - Ashdod, the Gilboa area, Hadera, Jerusalem, Tel Aviv. From the north, from further south. From the main cities, from small villages. This is what it is like - Jews traveling to distant shores to come together for a meal. This is the essence of Chabad.
I told the Rabbi that if these backpackers are going to use the Chabad simply as watchdogs for their bags, he should charge them a nominal fee - even give the money to charity. It is the principle of the thing. Everywhere they go, they pay for lodgings, food, transportation. What right do they have to come and take from this family for free; to treat them as servants who are just waiting to serve them.
And therein lies the issue. Chabad will not take. They believe themselves to be exactly what I felt they shouldn't be. They are there to serve Jews - all Jews...business people who find themselves in some isolated place; Israeli backpackers who need a cheap meal and a place to drop their things. Chabad is all things to these kids. And when it really gets to the Rabbi, and an Israeli asks if he can do something in return, Rav Rivkin simply answers, "go home."
We had a wonderful time, as we moved down the table to close in the circle after the backpackers had left. The Rabbi barely ate because he was so busy trying to share with them something before they left. He welcomed them graciously; he bid them farewell just as warmly. I was embarrassed for them; I wanted to apologize for them. Truthfully, I wanted to scold them. Instead, I watched the Rabbi sit down and finally eat something, finally relax.
There had been no minyan for Friday night. A disappointment, but the Rabbi is a man of deep faith and he assured us that the next day there would be a minyan.
On Shabbat morning, we arrived a bit early to find that there were four men...then six men. Other Israeli backpackers, not the same ones, had come and gone, leaving behind them a mountain of backpacks for safekeeping while they went out and explored. They never thought to ask the Rabbi if HE needed anything; never thought that the one gift they could give cost nothing - merely their presence for about 90 minutes so that this amazing man could read the Torah, pray with a minyan. Two more men showed up; visiting businessmen from Houston.
We were eight men. It was getting late. No minyan. As the time arrived to read from the Torah, the Rabbi walked outside and looked around. In Israel, it is nothing to go outside and tell the first person who passes that he is needed to complete a minyan. Secular or religious, most Jews would join to be the 10th.
He found two Israeli women who had planned to come for lunch. They were traveling with a German woman and an Austrian man and thought nothing of imposing on the Rabbis hospitality - for their non-Jewish friends as well. They would be back, they said after leaving all their stuff, but first they wanted to go shopping and take showers. One Israeli man came, but left we were nine. No minyan. One of the visitors - a man from Seattle visiting on business read from the Torah; another, a friend from Israel, chanted the Haftorah. We prayed aloud what we could but all the communal prayers were eliminated.
I was so sad and disappointed. We sat and had a very nice lunch...and then in walked the 10th. A young man from Tel Aviv who will be going home in a few weeks. We had missed the morning prayers, but the Rabbi jumped up and we began the afternoon prayers. The Torah was opened and the quorum was celebrated as we finally were able to add additional prayers that can only be said when ten men join together to form a minyan.
After we'd finished, the young man from Tel Aviv was given a huge plate of food; another Israeli joined in as well. We felt like a miracle had happened; a minyan...10 Jewish men and 3 Jewish women and 4 Jewish children came together. It is what we do, even in the remotest of places.
It was then that one of the Israelis thanked the rabbi and asked him if he could so something for him. "Go home." In two weeks, he told the rabbi.
Two weeks...
Chabad is a wonderful organization, and its very very sad that anyone would take advantage of their unique and most generous hospitality. I hope that many parents of these soldiers read your post, and educate their children about basic manners. My goodness! Eating a splendid meal like you described, and not offering anything in return.!! I too feel ashamed. We did not bring up our kids that way thankfully. Hopefully someone from the IDF will post this on facebook, or whatever social media the young soldiers use. I love our soldiers, and I know they will rise to the occasion when this oversight is pointed out to them. Leaving for Israel in two days....can't wait!!! Jan
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