When I was expecting my first three children, I don't remember worrying to the point of panic. I was, of course, concerned that each ultrasound or test should be okay, but once they were, I expected all to be well. I was young and ecstatic to build my family and within the span of 5 years, delivered three beautiful babies.
After Shmuli was born, we moved to Israel, my parents-in-law passed away and life because a bit more serious. When I became pregnant with David, I realized I was doing something crazy. After three healthy beautiful children, I had the nerve to ask God for another.
I worried all the time and begged God for one more miracle. How many miracles does any person have a right to ask. And months later, God answered my prayer with another miracle baby. And four years later, I was beyond terrified to ask yet again.
When my oldest son went into the army, I didn't really know what to expect, what to worry about. It was all very general and I easily believed everything he told me. By the time the third went in, my fourth child, I was beyond myself with worry. Nothing comforted me other than to have him home.
Today, this morning, I got a message that David was out. Out of hell, out of Gaza.
As hard as it was to have my sons serve Israel, I am infinitely proud that they have, that they do. In Israel, soldiers serve in the Reserves into their 40s. Somehow, a few years ago, I felt I should stop this blog because I was no longer a soldier's mother 24/7. Now I realize that I am, that I will be, for years to come.
But at the same time, writing has become harder. I feel more like I am tempting fate and I don't know if I have the courage to continue.
And my life is so much more full than it was a few years ago. My grandchildren are older; my youngest two are in university. Life's challenges continue and only seem to get bigger.
Too much to decide on an early Sunday morning when the sun is shining but I guess time will tell. For now, all that matters is that David is out. But so many are in. The war continues.
Blessings to your family. I can’t imagine the stress of having children in a war zone - especially one as perilous as this. I’m so glad to hear your son is home safe.
ReplyDeleteI follow a lot of Israeli pages and my heart hurts to see so many beautiful young men falling in battle.
They are so resolved and brave- mature beyond their years.
Each day I pray for your people - and I find myself begging God to vent His fury on Gaza. This terror has to end, and Gaza has been given so many chances only to repay good with evil over and over.
As a Christian, we are so instilled with “love love forgive forgive”. It’s created a weak, sickly, virtue signalling religion rather than what Jesus actually demonstrated.
Many Christians these days tend to leave the Old Testament as a history book and almost have a disconnect between the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New.
They view the Old Testament God as “too angry and wrathful and who judges and punishes”.
But in these days I have found myself clinging to my God who is the same yesterday, today and forever. The God of the Old Testament and the New.
I love His Holiness which detests evil. I find comfort in His burning anger that punishes wickedness.
He avenges His people. I pray daily for that.
May He fight with righteous anger for Israel once more. May the nations of the world be put to shame. May the soppy, weak “Christians” out there repent for enabling evil to gain traction.
May your sons and daughters be kept safe and live in a safe and prosperous Israel.
I know the Jewish people feel so abandoned and alone right now.
Please know - God has reserved many Gentiles that love you.
And when Jerusalem is the capital of the world we will rejoice with you xx
Casey