Continuing my drive towards laughter...introducing...generations of Israelis and how they react to yet another conflict, yet another anticipated trip to the bomb shelters.
As the US prepares to station the USS Ford off the coast of Tel Aviv to protect Israeli cities...it's about time I explained how generations of Israelis cope with yet again being on the brink...
I'll remind you this is an attempt at humor because at some point in every conflict or mess, Israelis begin to find that the only way to cope is to see the absurdity of a tiny little nation like Israel being so hated, so maligned and now be targeted by the mad mullahs of Tehran.
Introducing Israel's Generations...
Grandpa: "This? This is nothing. I've survived six of these. Sit down, eat something."
Dad: "I'm checking the news." (refreshes 400 times)
Mom: "Did everyone go to the bathroom? Go now. Go."
The kids: Already asleep.
The teenager: Never looked up from their phone. Doesn't plan to.
Grandma: Has already fed four strangers and adopted a fifth. She came prepared for this exact scenario.
Uncle Moshe: Is explaining what he would do if he were in charge. Nobody asked. He continues.
The young couple: Are somehow making this romantic. Everyone is both annoyed and impressed.
The baby: Slept through the siren, woke up for the all-clear. Perfect comedic timing.
The cool young aunt: Brought wine. Is now the most popular person in the shelter.
Grandpa: Already asleep. Has been asleep since minute two. Snoring peacefully. Living his best life.
The in-laws who don't get along: Are forced to sit next to each other. The shelter is not big enough for this energy.
Dad at age 70: "I'm not moving. If it hits, it hits." His wife physically moved him herself.
The grandchild who just got back from a year abroad: "Wait, is this normal??" Everyone in the room says yes simultaneously.
The son who moved to Berlin: Is on video call watching in horror. The family looks completely calm. He does not understand.
The teenage daughter: Is making TikToks. Has already gained 3,000 followers tonight.
Middle child: Is stress-eating the emergency rations and has been since minute one.
The grandpa who survived actual wars: Is deeply unimpressed and slightly insulted by the drama of the younger generation.
Bubby: Has pulled out knitting. She brought knitting. She knew.
The toddler: Is delighted. This is the most exciting sleepover ever. Running in circles. Cannot be stopped.
The college student home for a visit: Had planned to go out tonight. Is now in a shelter. Is updating their dating app bio in real time.
Dad: Keeps quietly stepping outside "to check the sky." Has been brought back in three times.
Great Grandma: "Sit. Eat. The war will wait." She is not wrong.
The family dog: Has appointed himself protector of everyone present. Takes the job very seriously. Very small dog.
we are praying for y'all in Israel today - during the Iran strikes. It is an amazing trait of the Jews that they keep their sense of humor. Blessings.
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