How profound is that?
In the past, when this was my main and almost only blogging platform (except for news sites that gratefully took my articles to help populate their sites), I put almost everything here - family and politics; politics and family.
Then, I opened Israel Blogger, and started putting politics there. Family belongs here. I have so much and yet so little to write about for one simple reason. It really isn't that I have nothing to say but I either can't or can't.
I can't post pictures of my grandchildren - Amira's two beautiful sons who run and hug me when I see them. I can see their eyes light up when I walk into the room, and I hope and pray they can see my eyes light up when I see them.
I have Elie's two daughters now - one only a month old. His older daughter comes running if she hasn't seen me in more than a day and says, "Savta, I missed you." And I tell her I missed her too...because it is true. And I hold little Odelia as long and as often as I can.
And I have Lavi, Shmuli's son and each time I see him, I see the recognition in his eyes...soon he will be a year old and precious doesn't begin to explain him.
And rightfully so, each of my children does not want a picture of their children on the internet. If they did, this blog would be FILLED with pictures, but I can't...and so I don't.
That's the first can't. And the second can't above (as in I either can't or can't). The second one is that I've always been a bit superstitious in my life - not about cracks on sidewalks and black cats but about words said that tempt fate to intervene, about jinxing something with words or thoughts.
Well, I can't stop my thoughts from roaming where they should not go, but I can stop my words and so I don't write, I don't talk.
I'm so close and the closer I get, the more I fear and so I have nothing to say...but I so wish I had nothing to think. I wish I could block the fears, the thoughts from coming into my head. I live with them almost around the clock now. I'm so close.
I'll write soon...but soon can't come soon enough and until it does, for now, I can't.
I don't know what I'll do in the future, if I'll continue this blog or close it. I've bee writing it almost 11 years...I could honestly continue it becuase for another 19 years, the shadow of those green uniforms will be my reality. There's an amazing video that I'll post. It wa made by a young woman about Israel. She has just entered the IDF. She shows some of the amazing things that the Israel Defense Forces (and the country) have done around the world. In the background, part of what makes the video is a song and one line is that we are "just one call away".
In a very real sense, my sons will be just one call away for many years to come. The next phase of my life begins soon...I have to believe it will be an easier phase than this every day thing. But for now, I just want to get there...and so, I can't. I have nothing to say and wish I had nothing to think.
In the past, when this was my main and almost only blogging platform (except for news sites that gratefully took my articles to help populate their sites), I put almost everything here - family and politics; politics and family.
Then, I opened Israel Blogger, and started putting politics there. Family belongs here. I have so much and yet so little to write about for one simple reason. It really isn't that I have nothing to say but I either can't or can't.
I can't post pictures of my grandchildren - Amira's two beautiful sons who run and hug me when I see them. I can see their eyes light up when I walk into the room, and I hope and pray they can see my eyes light up when I see them.
I have Elie's two daughters now - one only a month old. His older daughter comes running if she hasn't seen me in more than a day and says, "Savta, I missed you." And I tell her I missed her too...because it is true. And I hold little Odelia as long and as often as I can.
And I have Lavi, Shmuli's son and each time I see him, I see the recognition in his eyes...soon he will be a year old and precious doesn't begin to explain him.
And rightfully so, each of my children does not want a picture of their children on the internet. If they did, this blog would be FILLED with pictures, but I can't...and so I don't.
That's the first can't. And the second can't above (as in I either can't or can't). The second one is that I've always been a bit superstitious in my life - not about cracks on sidewalks and black cats but about words said that tempt fate to intervene, about jinxing something with words or thoughts.
Well, I can't stop my thoughts from roaming where they should not go, but I can stop my words and so I don't write, I don't talk.
I'm so close and the closer I get, the more I fear and so I have nothing to say...but I so wish I had nothing to think. I wish I could block the fears, the thoughts from coming into my head. I live with them almost around the clock now. I'm so close.
I'll write soon...but soon can't come soon enough and until it does, for now, I can't.
I don't know what I'll do in the future, if I'll continue this blog or close it. I've bee writing it almost 11 years...I could honestly continue it becuase for another 19 years, the shadow of those green uniforms will be my reality. There's an amazing video that I'll post. It wa made by a young woman about Israel. She has just entered the IDF. She shows some of the amazing things that the Israel Defense Forces (and the country) have done around the world. In the background, part of what makes the video is a song and one line is that we are "just one call away".
In a very real sense, my sons will be just one call away for many years to come. The next phase of my life begins soon...I have to believe it will be an easier phase than this every day thing. But for now, I just want to get there...and so, I can't. I have nothing to say and wish I had nothing to think.
I'll be reading your articles at Israel Blogger...in fact, I've put it on my blog and will keep both blogs there as long as they are both open. I have friends where you live and someday I hope to meet you, too, Paula.
ReplyDeleteI'll be happy when people say "the Jews (or "the Yehudis") came from halfway around the world..." in the same positive sense that they said "the Israelis" in the video.
I wish all the very best for you and your family.
Chava